So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
