what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
