hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
