Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
