she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
