i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
