What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize