i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
