well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
