You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
