Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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