i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize