just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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