You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
