if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
