Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
