I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
