so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize