WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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