I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
