I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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