Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
