Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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