I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
