That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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