dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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