it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
