i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
