this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
