I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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