just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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