one two three fourrrrnication!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize