Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
