It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
