ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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