What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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