She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
