oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
