I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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