wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
