So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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