So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
