i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
