ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
