i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize