you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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