I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Even my vagina gasped.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
