explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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