are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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