what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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