So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The power of my boobs compel you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
