Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
