I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
