An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
