While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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