hotel room ftw
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
