Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
only you would photoshop your dick
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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