how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
