She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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