..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
