i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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