I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
