She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
