Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
