At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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