i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
