just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
