i just google imaged poop.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
two words...techno handjob
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
