worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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