you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize