Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
