I just cut my nipple shaving
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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