Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
