I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize