I can tuck mytits in my pants
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
