shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My vagina is officially offended.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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