You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
