Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
