She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
