And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
