And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
