I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
