Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
