That's when you crack a 10am beer
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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