my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
